Suffering a near-fatal accident and injury and going through the years of recovery from said injuries is full of changes and shifts. However, since the accident was nearly four years ago, I thought I was through with drastic changes and shifts.
The past few weeks have proven me wrong as I suffered from increased hearing distortions (find out more about my hearing distortions and TBI here). After writing/complaining about my hearing and talking to my psychologist, I realized that my hearing distortions weren’t getting worse, it was just my perspective that was changing. After nearly four years of distortions, my brain was getting bored and mixing things up by remixing the same old sounds (my TBI brain is apparently an amateur DJ).
So after realizing that I needed to stop comparing myself and my hearing to others (especially pre-TBI me), my perspective has shifted again and I am happily in a more positive place. In this week’s #TBIthursday I am humbled to learn that I am still learning and changing (and that’s a good thing).
My latest changes in wake of my TBI you can basically track in my last few blog posts. I first wrote about my latest struggles with my hearing on August 12th post “The Evolution of my hearing.” While I was first admitting I was actively struggling in that post it was actually my first step towards acceptance of my hearing as it is.
The word acceptance is a tricky one for me to use when discussing my hearing. It’s tricky because the very nature of a brain injury hinges on hope, time and the “we’ll wait and see” approach. The number one thing that I am told by doctors repeatedlyis that every brain injury is different so it’s impossible to predict how I may heal and the most important thing for me to do is rest. 😠 Okay, fine. That’s annoying. It’s hard to plan for a future when there are major pieces up in the air.
A few weeks ago if you had asked me if I had accepted my hearing I wouldn’t have said yes. It’s hard to accept something when medical professionals and experts are constantly telling you to have hope. Because that’s what I heard when people said they didn’t know if my hearing distortions were permanent: “it’s okay to hold out hope.”
It’s only recently that I realized they weren’t saying to pin all my dreams and expectations on the hope my hearing would become more normal. They were saying to not be so negative that I don’t see or notice slight changes in my hearing. There is a huge difference between hoping for a miracle and keeping yourself open and positive enough that you can see changes (no matter how small). Once I had this realization it was the moment I realized that my condition will always be changing (heck, that’s the point of saying my hearing was evolving).
So I am ending this week’s #TBIthursday on a positive note because I am in a much more positive place.
Memoir Writing Update
Like I mentioned in my last writing update, I have basically stopped counting words for now. I have too much structural work (ie. editing) to do for a word count to be accurate in the long run. So I am just going to insert this image I made a while ago to show that I am still working on it.
A Selby Sweetie Throwback Thursday
Last week I decided to end my #TBIthursday posts with a traditional throwback Thursday of my pup @selbysweetie. I have and continue to take SO MANY pictures of my cute pup that there’s no problem coming up with a throwback picture to end my Thursday posts. The problem is choosing just ONE picture. Well, I did it this week, folks. Here’s my little catch (circa 2017).
Note: I just have to mention it’s horrible how Hurricane Laura is causing horrible destruction in the Gulf Coast. I am saddened that this destruction is happening and of course I notice I share a name with the hurricane. Why do they name possibly destructive storms with human names (I have wondered this since Hurricane Katrina)? I found the answer to that question here.
Note: All graphics used in this post are designed by me using images from Pixabay, Unsplash, and Over.