Writing By Laura

After months of silence on this blog I want to say 2 things:

1. I’m still here. I have a lot of half-written blog posts that I will finish and publish soon.

2. I’m approaching 8 years since my accident and injury and my TBI can still throw me for a loop with what feels like new symptoms. I would like to share about my latest “symptom”/experience in hopes of working through why it happened.

My Matrix Psychosis

The movie “The Matrix” (the first one from 1999, I didn’t see sequels) has a very memorable scene where the protagonist Neo (played by Keanu Reeves) *Spoiler Alert* finds out that the “world” as he knows it is all fake. Instead of interacting with people and going places everyone is just sitting in chairs hooked up to machines experiencing a simulated reality.

The reason I bring up this movie is because a few weeks ago I experienced a strange new TBI symptom that may have been my body responding to a week long very intense migraine. My theory is that after the migraine subsided my TBI brain responded to the increased pressure that it was now relieved of by creating a new and worrying symptom. I kept on thinking everything surrounding me (all people, places, etc. ) were a construct of my imagination (or a simulation). That I was really just a blob in a room connected to wires and everything I experienced wasn’t real. It was a horrible and isolating experience. I tried to tell my psychologist about it and since I meet with him on video my brain played around with that too. I saw a reflection in the window behind him and thought he was recording me to document my insanity. I truly thought I was going to be committed.

Thankfully I worked through the crazy. I started to do art again in the form of silly cards for Selby’s 7th Birthday (it was on May 25th). I had bought these great pens by Sharpie (not a traditional Sharpie with the horrible smell) and I really enjoyed using them to create these cards. It worked! I instinctively did something that my psychologist has been teaching me to do: find something constructive (for me that’s typically creative) to focus on and my brain will start to work through some of the chaotic nonsense that populates my brainwaves post-TBI. There’s a reason my health insurance pays my psychologist the big bucks (I hope so, anyway)! He deserves every penny! Here are the cards I made that helped bring me back from my Matrix psychosis.

Whatever happened to that 5K Walk?

Earlier I had posted about how I would be participating in a 5K “Walk4Hearing” to raise funds for hearing loss (since my TBI has resulted in extreme aural distortions and hearing loss). It happened on June 2nd and I did in fact walk in it (with my Dad) and I did in fact raise money (I raised $520) while the Walk totally raised over $26,000 and it’s still raising money (donations accepted until July 20th) . You can donate if you like (here is my donation page). I was happy to be able to do this because nearly 8 years ago walking and hearing were not things I was doing (after my accident and coma).

Whatever happened to my memoir?

I am still writing it. I haven’t written in a few weeks (it’s hard to write when you think you might be crazy, at least to write anything good). However, a few months ago I wrote what I think could be the beginning of my memoir. It’s a little weird but also kind of great. I’m really proud of it. I read it to my parents after I wrote it and they were encouraging but in a raised eyebrow (we don’t really get it) way. Then I shared it with a writing group during “open mic night.” They loved it (no raised eyebrows… they got it). I still don’t know how everything ties together, but I will get there. I just need to dedicate regular writing time. That’s still my biggest hurdle: consistency.

Speaking of Consistency

I plan to finish a few of the blog posts I started but never finished in a hope to be more consistent in this blogging thing.

A Selby Sweetie Conclusion

Even though I haven’t been posting, Selby is still as cute and sweet as ever.