I have missed several weekly blogs and I thought I would explain why and how that is affecting my memoir.
As Spring starts to spring ahead to Summer, my Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) is not letting me enjoy the sights and sounds of the changing season (obviously not sounds since my hearing is so affected by the TBI). The past several weeks I have lapsed into a funk. A TBI-related funk. I was attempting to taper off a medication (this was approved by my doctor) but after my symptoms I am going back on it. I have not felt like I could blog, write or really even string sentences together. For a while my brain was very blank. No internal thoughts or monologue. No rattling off to do lists. I usually have a steady hum of thoughts and these past few weeks experiencing this void is unsettling. Off putting. A blank brain is not conducive to writing anything let alone a memoir. It’s one thing to have writer’s block (a blank page) and quite another to have a blank or blocked brain. So that has been why my blog has been quiet the past few weeks. My memoir has also been “quiet” too but I will say that new symptoms like this just inspire me to keep plugging away at writing my story because it feels like my brain injury experience needs to be told and I have to be the one to do it. No matter how long it takes!!
To put things in perspective, an image I call up a lot to describe new and surprising TBI symptoms is Charlie Brown falling flat on his back as Lucy pulls away the football she is holding for him (from “Peanuts” cartoons). She does this to poor Charlie repeatedly and each time he trusts her only to get burned yet again when she behaves exactly as she always has. They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results. Well, like Charlie Brown I really shouldn’t be caught unawares anymore… it’s pretty nuts that new symptoms can still throw me for a loop! Yet who saw a blank brain coming nearly 6 years post TBI? I didn’t. I don’t think Charlie would have either!
The sweetness of a best friend
I had planned to post this on Selby’s birthday on May 25th (better late than never since she doesn’t read these blogs).
However, even though I haven’t been with it the world has continued spinning and time has continued to pass. For example, on May 25th it was my dog’s 5th Birthday! Hardly a puppy anymore but she will always be a puppy to me! So, since my brain is as riddled with holes as a slice of 🧀 I am posting a belated ode to my furry best friend: Selby Sweetie. (By saying my brain is riddled with holes like 🧀, I just meant that thoughts and activity are very challenging and my memory and overall ability is incredibly hampered by the severe TBI.) But even my Swiss 🧀 brain knows Selby is the best pupper!
3 thoughts on “Blank Brain vs. Blank Page #MemoirMoment”
Laura, I’m so sorry about your blank brain episode, and I’m glad you are back on track. And I agree wholeheartedly that you have to continue writing your TBI story because these long-term after-effects are things people need to understand, and no one but you can tell that story. Be gentle with yourself when you have to step away. Be inspired when you are back on track.
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Thank you. It’s very definitely a learning process but I definitely am kinder to myself post TBI even though my expectations are still high!!
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