In my recovery from my severe Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) my personality has become more defined even when my memory is less refined. This is helpful when trying to come up with a memory because with my new more defined personality there are some things that are a given or a certain truth.
Let me explain what I mean in this week’s #TBIthursday.
What I mean by a “certain truth” is something that is pretty guaranteed that I would or wouldn’t do after my TBI. Since my memory isn’t as clear as it once was but I have more restrictions on what I like, don’t like (or can handle), it helps me say “I would/wouldn’t do that” to help paint a clearer picture of a memory that may not be as clear.
For example, light is very important to me post brain injury but in a different way than it was before my TBI. Before my TBI, I suffered from daily chronic migraines and was pretty light sensitive because of that. Since the TBI basically rebooted my brain and got rid of all the malfunctioning programs (like migraines and Fibromyalgia) I no longer get chronic daily migraines and my nerves are no longer constantly firing and giving me a constant sense of widespread pain (Fibromyalgia). So I am no longer sensitive to light the way I once was. Now that I think about it, I am the opposite of what I was with light. I used to sit in the dark and only be truly happy when a room was pitch black. I even had times when I would set up soft pillows and blankets on the floor of my walk-in closet and hang out there with the door closed. I was also suffering from anxiety and panic attacks (thankfully another glitch that was erased when the TBI “rebooted” my brain) so the closet was also comforting in that regard. Now I don’t like dimly lit rooms. The lowest setting of a 3-way light bulb is far too dim and actually irritates me. I think the real difference is since I am no longer light-sensitive, I want lights to be used with purpose (hence, not liking the first setting of a 3-way light bulb). So when a light was changed from the second setting on a 3-way light bulb to the first (and lowest) setting, I knew that I had not been the one to change it. Because now light serving a purpose is one of my “certain truths.”
I would say the brain injury has made me more rigid and particular in certain ways and at first I wasn’t sure I liked that. However, after realizing my certain truths serve a purpose and help me navigate life with a Traumatic Brain Injury, I really don’t mind being rigid and particular.
A Selby Sweetie Throwback Conclusion
I am working on a painting of Selby that is based on this picture (one of my favorites from her puppyhood ).
This was taken after her first swim in the lake and she’s sitting on our dock looking soggy and adorable. She was such a new little pup she didn’t have tags on her collar yet!